


The World Carries On Without You

by Kiraly



Series: Dreamworld Ladies [2]
Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Dreamworld, F/F, Femslash February, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 02:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiraly/pseuds/Kiraly
Summary: Even though Rúna is no longer in Finland, she and Ensi can be together in other ways. But Dreamworld relationships are neither easy nor safe.





	The World Carries On Without You

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the SSSS Fem Feb Music Box Challenge on [Tumblr](http://worldsentwined.tumblr.com/post/157294055379/the-world-carries-on-without-you), back in February. I decided to post it here because I wrote another Ensi/Rúna fic, so they might as well have their own series. This can be seen as a direct sequel to _Field Notes From Finland_ , and although _Post-Mortem Insomnia_ diverges a little bit, they all seem to fit together.
> 
> Based on the song _[Last of Days](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y31rhdyEmXE)_ by A Fine Frenzy.

_From the files of Rúna Snorradóttir: Explorer, Historical Researcher, and Student of Modern Anthropology_

_Year 30 Finland Expedition - Private Journal_

_The ship docked in Pori without incident. Which is good, from a logical standpoint. No complications, so I can get to the next ship on time, and on my way home as scheduled. But part of me does not wish to be logical, so I’m spending my last evening in Finland sulking in my rented room, willing myself to fall asleep faster. She would roll her eyes if she saw me like this. But she’s not here to see._

The path to Ensi’s haven is a little longer tonight. Not by much; she can still reach it easily. But it sends a shiver of worry through Rúna’s stomach. She doesn’t want to think about distance, or how reckless her plan is. She has the power to walk in dreams; why shouldn’t she use it? The gods blessed her for a reason.

All the same, Ensi’s face is set in a stubborn frown when she finds her waiting.

“I thought we said goodbye this morning.”

Rúna steps forward, reaching up to cup Ensi’s cheek. “I wasn’t ready to let you go just yet.”

Ensi allows the kiss, allows what follows. But she doesn’t let the subject drop. Rúna has learned, over their months spent together, that Ensi never loses arguments. She just sets them aside, bides her time until she can deliver the winning blow.

“You shouldn’t do this again,” she says, just before Rúna wakes. Rúna smiles.

“I don’t think you can stop me.”

* * *

And Rúna doesn’t stop, even as her body travels farther from Finland with every night. Dream-walking while aboard a ship is a greater risk, and once or twice she has to turn back when a sea-beast comes between her and her destination. Every time she succeeds, Ensi glowers, but she stops lecturing.  Rúna knows that means nothing, but she doesn’t care. She takes every moment she can get, refusing to waste their precious time with fights. 

She makes it home, the familiar rocks and hills that match her haven rising to greet her. She organizes her research, gives lectures, makes a passionate case for funding - there is always more to study, more to learn. She begins to write a paper on long-distance dream-walking. She spends her nights gathering more data.

* * *

One night, she arrives at Ensi’s haven, and Ensi isn’t there. Rúna waits, pacing the wooden boards, trying to reason away her worry. When Ensi shows up at last, Rúna’s time is nearly up.

“Where have you been!” She can’t help herself; she throws her arms around Ensi, pulling her close. It’s too sudden, and Ensi stiffens, refuses to speak until Rúna eases her grip. “I was worried, Ensi.”

Ensi shrugs. “I was awake. Took a new job; they want me as a night scout.”

“A night scout? But that’s - our schedules won’t be the same! When will I see you?” Under her words lie others that she doesn’t say:  _How could you do this? How could you make this decision without talking to me?_ It isn’t fair, but Rúna doesn’t care about that right now.

From the way Ensi stares at her, it seems she’s probably guessed at what Rúna didn’t say. “I don’t have to consult you before I make decisions, Rúna. You aren’t employing me anymore.” The words cut deep, knife-sharp, as they were meant to. But Rúna is no stranger to wounds.

“I’m not asking as your  _boss,_ Ensi. Don’t try to pretend that’s all I ever was.”

Ensi doesn’t. She’s good at keeping secrets, but she never lies. So when she says, “I’m doing this, Rúna. You can’t stop me,” Rúna believes her.

* * *

Rúna manages to stay away for nearly a month. She tells herself it’s for her own good; no point in braving the dream sea if she’s only going to see Ensi for a short time. But eventually she stops lying to herself, and her loneliness outweighs her desire to punish Ensi. She goes back. They pick up where they left off - warier, and strained, but better than nothing. The hours they spend together are too short.

* * *

“Once a month,” Ensi says. She looks tired, and Rúna knows she’s been having a lot of hard nights. Her own nights, waiting for Ensi, haven’t been easy either. So at first, she doesn’t understand.

“What?” 

Ensi sighs, tries again. “We can’t keep doing this every night, Rúna. It’s not practical. It’s not  _safe_ for you. It’s a miracle nothing has happened to you yet. I think…we should see each other less. Once a month. I have a day off, I can sleep late. Spend some real time with you, instead of…this.”

“You want to spend real time together, so you’re saying you want to see me  _less?_ How does that even make sense?” Rúna is hurt, and Ensi knows it, but she doesn’t back down.

“I won’t come here again unless you promise. One month from today, Rúna. I’ll see you then.”

Rúna begs, and cries, and rages. But in the end, she agrees.

* * *

They go on. Rúna gets over her anger and learns to appreciate the time she has. She fills her days with work, begins to travel again for her research. When they meet, she tells Ensi all about what she’s been doing. Ensi mentions bits and pieces of her life in Finland, usually at Rúna’s urging. There’s one thing she never talks about, and Rúna never thinks to ask, until one month there’s a bulge under Ensi’s coat that never used to be there.

“How long have you known?” Rúna whispers. Her mouth is dry. She can’t believe this is happening. She didn’t think Ensi was even - didn’t know she was interested in - and somehow, she’d thought she could be enough. But Rúna puts a lot of stock in evidence, and now all evidence suggests she’d been very, very wrong.

“A few months,” Ensi admits, casual. “Didn’t think it was worth mentioning.”

“Not worth - Ensi, you’re PREGNANT! How could you think I wouldn’t care!”

Ensi’s eyes narrow. “I didn’t think you wouldn’t care. It’s just none of your business.”

“That you were  _sleeping with someone else?”_

“Don’t you?”

Rúna blinks, wills the world to stop spinning so fast. “No. Of course not. How could you think - what am I to you, anyway?”

Ensi heaves a sigh. When she speaks again, her voice is uncharacteristically gentle. “Not as much as I am to you, I think. I’m sorry. I don’t think we should do this anymore, Rúna. It’s not fair to you.”

It isn’t. It never has been, not to either of them, but Rúna had thought at least they felt the same about it. Now she knows better. And so, with bits of her heart breaking off like a dying troll, she lets Ensi win the argument she began all those years ago.

“You’re right. It’s not. I’m going.”

* * *

They still meet sometimes, paths crossing in the mysterious way that sometimes happens in the dream world. Every time, Ensi looks older, though Rúna knows her own face betrays signs of age, too. Sometimes, they speak. Warnings about new dangers they’ve faced. Stories of Rúna’s research, or Ensi’s work as a mage and scout. Once, she mentions that her sons have both turned out to be mages. The words hurt less than Rúna thought they would.

She never has children of her own, though. Never finds someone she’d want to do it with, even if the Dagrenning program had gotten on its feet when she was young enough for it to be possible. She admits to herself, sometimes, that maybe part of her never got over Ensi. There is a piece of Rúna wandering the dream world between Iceland and Finland, and she’ll never get it back.

The last time they meet, Ensi leads a small child who shares her sharp features and sharper silence. A grandson. Someone to carry on her legacy. Rúnahas built hers from words, published pages spreading to shelves throughout the Known World. Her books travel farther than she does, these days - it’s clear to Rúna that she doesn’t have much time left. She says as much to Ensi.

“I think this is the end.”

Ensi regards her with a lifted brow. “It all ended before we were born, Rúna. But if it hadn’t, we never would have met.”

Rúna has to admit that, once again, Ensi is right. And for once, she’s glad of it.

_The world carries on without you_  
But nothing remains the same  
I’ll be lost without you  
Until the last of days 


End file.
